So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
