Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
