her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
