? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
