I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
