Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
