So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
