After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
