i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
