Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
