The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
