Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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