You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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