I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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