my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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