Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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