Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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