maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
