That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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