The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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