her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
