Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
