I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
