I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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