he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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