my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
