just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
