Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
