apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
