From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
fuck your aforementioned shoe
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
