Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
