I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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