OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
50% drunk capacity currently
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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