call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
