they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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