She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
