He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The adults are the big ones right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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