Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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