my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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