I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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