yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
