just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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