you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
