remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
