can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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