last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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