we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
