I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
