with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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