Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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