Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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