well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
