Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
