They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
