i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
