You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
