I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
