so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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