Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
