so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
