There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
