My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
