the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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