I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
