at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
