Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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